Litany: On Dreams Deferred

It sits, it molds
Inactive
Stale
Stagnate
Decaying the very soul of man
Layering the psyche with hopelessness

Oh the stench of despair!
Who will cure the spoilage?

And the lineage is contaminated
My father dreamed, they say
I dream, they say
And they sit and sit and gawk
As if it were not conceived by them
Degenerative
They march sans mission
They arise without aim

Oh the vastness of the rubble!
Who will rebuild the ruins?

And the maggots will come
Delectable, they say
Thank you they say
Feasting on our rottenness
Loving our forgottonness
Praying our incessant waywardness

Oh the crucifixion of dreams!
Who will resurrect the casualties?

Applause for Heaven - Part I

I ask you to release me and give me freedom
And you give me bondage
Not physical chains
But an emotional bondage called devotion
Called loyalty
That keeps me bound to people and to places
Bound by time and circumstance
A prisoner of you, oh Lord
You gave me bondage and taught me surrender
And through that surrender, I learned to free myself in You

I ask you to give me patience
And you gave me trials
Not small feats overcome effortlessly
But encounters that force me far beyond my threshold
Beyond my own strength and might
And through the tumult and degradation
You rebuilt me, a quintessential being
Fortifying me in ways I can't begin to conceive

And then, oh God, I ask you to teach me love
Instead you taught me how to hurt.
Not with physical pain,
But pain that runs deep into my self
And grips the very soul of me
And I want to cry for the fatherless sons
I want to weep for the daughters of mothers
And wail for rape of the innocent
And agonize over the Godless nations
Because you have joined my soul to a cause
You have anchored my mind to a purpose
You have fastened my heart to humanity
Thus, gifting me love

Amen

I Was Just Thinking....

I really wish we would take off the rose-colored glasses every now and then and see things for what they really are. No...I'm not asking us to put on our sarcasm-tinted raybands and view the world with a hint of negativity and depression and pessimism. I just wish we could live more purposefully and intentionally. I wish we could go through life with a little less nonchalantness and a little more awareness. Stay connected. Stay tuned in. If not life has a way of passing you by without your knowing it and the desparity of a life not lived is an overwhelming burden that no human should have to bear....

Ambassadors for Him

Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God.

-II Corinthians 5:20

I've really been contemplating the whole God-thing in my life and trying to connect with it on a level that surpasses the basics of going to church on Sundays, Wednesdays, and making an attempt to even get to Sunday school on time. I can't seriously think I've arrived when doing the bare minimum. My personal Christianity involves the things that I do on a daily basis, all day, that tell people what God is all about...it's like being an ambassador. An ambassador is a sovereign representative of a particular government who is assigned to a foreign government for a special and often temporary assignment.

Allow me then to operationalize the term "Christian" as a person or ambassador who, acting under the government of the Holy Spirit, has been sent to this foreign world to represent deity - the essential nature of God - and carry out His assigned mission before going to be with him in heaven.

So what does this mean for me? As I meditated on this thought, God provided me with what I like to call the rules of engagement that I, as His ambassador, must adhere to at all times:

1. God is my ultimate authority and governor. Democracy is an awesome concept, but because I have been purchased with, by, and through the blood of Jesus, I am not free to do as I please without regard to my Government.
   
2. This world is a foreign place to my soul and I must always remember that I'm only here to carry out a specific God-given assignment. I can be among this people for influential purposes only. I can not conform.
   
3. My acts of service must be assigned of God and carried out in His way. Ambassadors act upon the commands of the Commander-in-Chief. Unless the Commander assigns and approves and action, I shall not undertake it.
4. I must not act according to my own intelligence. The point at which I begin to lean to my own understanding, I breach the commitment that I have made to said Commander, and I, at that point, cease to be representative of the government that sent me.

We really serve an awesome God! I'll continue this post as it comes to me...

On Purpose...Or by Default

Why are you living? Why do you walk/talk/feel/think/see the way you do? Any idea? Where are you going? Anywhere in particular...or are you just on your way? Got a mirror? Then take a look...it's hard to change what you don't see.

I challenge myself all the time to live consciously instead of subconsciously...to be aware instead of oblivious. Try this. Look at that (wo)man in the mirror and confront his/her actions and question the deeper things in life: How do you know God is real? Why do you believe in him? Why do you worship the way that you do? Why did you choose that major/career/friend/spouse? No answer...hmmm...are you really with us? Is there really a method to your madness? Or have you simply become content with merely existing and doing and going through the motions?

Don't you want to really live? Don't you want to work for more than just money and possessions? Solomon calls that vanity. Don't you want to be with that woman/man for specific reasons, and not just because you made a mistake and connected with them years ago?...and instead of ending it, you accepted it? Don't you want to have specific, well thought out reasons for getting out of bed each day...instead of just popping up and driving off at full speed...to where? Do you set out on an unfamiliar road trip without a map? You could end up anywhere. Don't you want to live on purpose and not just by default because God decided not to snatch the breath from your lungs while you slept?

Today, just today, are you living on purpose, or are you merely existing...by default.

Noteable Quote

"The better part of happiness is to wish to be what you are." - Desiderius Erasmus

Lately, Ive been thinking along these terms. Surely there's the part of me that strives for perfection - just as God would have it. But at some point we have to acknowledge our current condition and accept it before we can move on. So my philosophy goes something like this:

I'm not impressed with who I am, but I am proud of whom I'm becoming. I love the me that I have already become, but I'm in love with the me that God is molding me into.

Quintessence

Night faded into the light of day and you awakened me to see the glory of it all
I breathed you

You presented unto me hope, harmony, and healing
I accepted you

You offered me infinite pleasure in your paradise
I indulged you

You empowered me with wisdom, understanding, and love
I thanked you

You promised me comfort and peace
I believed in you

You beckoned me to come, and handed me the bountiful bouquet of salvation bound with a ring of eternity
I pledged my allegiance to you

Then you saw me unclothed, barren, and impure and wanted to love me still
And then I knew you

25 Random Things

So I'm doing something I vowed to never do. I'm blogging. But after have a year of baby brain and little to no adult interaction on a daily basis, a girl has gotta have an outlet. So here goes. And how will I begin? The classic "25 Random Things About Me."

1. I believe in God. Yep I said the "g" word. I read about Him and talk about Him. I pray to Him and I seek Him constantly. I want to be like Him. I love Him.
2. I'm a word junkie. I like to learn new words and practice saying them to see how it feels. I like happy words like "euphoria." Three of the best-sounding words are "indubitably" and "iambic pentameter" and "philanthropic."
3. I'm a sensory person. I tune in to all the senses to experience the world. It helps me appreciate little things.
4. I ate ice cream in bed for the first time about a month ago.
5. Cookies are my favorite junk food, but sometimes I pluck the chips from chocolate chip cookies.
6. I'm a lover of the arts. Photography, painting, literature, dance, drama, etc. Writing is my favorite, but I never have time to commit to it like I want. I may go down in history as one of the greatest unpublished authors ever.
7. Hypocrisy really bugs me. I wonder about people who pride themselves on their philanthropic endeavors, but they curse their fellow man and don't speak to the people whose paths they cross daily.
8. I'd like to interview someone who has "buried the hatchet." Are the hatchets heavy? Are they all buried in the same place? Is there a hatchet cemetery somewhere that we should know about? What do you inscribe on your hatchet's headstone? Just wondering...
9. I usually eat my cereal with water. Milk and I often have a mutual dislike for one another. I'd like to reconcile for my bones' sake.
10. When I was a kid, I liked to strip peeling paint and blow eraser shreds off someone's paper.
11. The smell of Shower to Shower powder and washing powder makes me salivate...as does a sale at Pier 1 and Books-a-Million.
12. I love housecleaning...Just kidding.
13. I think HGTV is the best station ever. I'd forsake all others for this one if I had to.
14. I stole a pocketful of Milky Way candy bars when I was about 8. I didn't like them; I just wanted to know if I could do it. I've since kicked the habit.
15. I usually don't like cookie filling or cake icing.
16. When I see a movie over and over, odd things make me laugh. For example, I watched Love Jones recently. Remember when Darious (Lorenz Tate) made breakfast for Nina (Nia Long) after their night of unbridled passion? Check out how that cheese omelet slid onto the plate. It couldn't have been real. And did you notice the cantaloupe and the lime on the counter behind them. I wonder who ever ate that cantaloupe. Omg...lol.
17. We had a lot of dogs throughout my childhood - Lady, Butch, Dixie, Rambo, Smokey, Rocky, Misty, Sheba, and Rocky II.
18. I don't mind cuddling, but I hate to be coddled.
19. I love music...anything reflective and contemplative and inspirational. I don't like most R&B music. Too much sexuality – not enough sensuality. Too many vulgar words – not enough big words. Too much music - not enough message.
20. I like the taste of dry infant rice cereal.
21. I love rock climbing and swimming.
22. Horseback riding is one of the greatest things I've never done.
23. I think multi-tasking is overrated. It's essentially splitting yourself in many pieces and attempting to function as the whole. That's somewhat dysfunctional.
24. I'd like to teach a fitness class.
25. I'm addicted to journals and natural soaps. I could never have too many of either.